Thursday, January 14, 2021

PAANO I-HANDLE ANG “DISTANT” NA ASAWA?

PAANO I-HANDLE ANG “DISTANT” NA ASAWA? 





Kung may distant-learning meron ding distant-hubby/wifey 😅💔


Minsan parang nakakapagod na lumaban mag-isa. Lalo na kung yung asawa mo parang walang effort, wapakels, distant... 


Sabi nga “It takes TWO to Tango” pero feeling natin magisa nalang tayong sumasayaw ng tango 💔 Minsan parang gusto nating mag-solo nalang at mag-tiktok 🤣


So paano nga ba i-handle ang mga asawa nating cold at nagpapaka-distant? I hope these 9 practical tips help you: 


1. UNDERSTAND THEIR WITHDRAWAL 


For sure merong dahilan kung bakit sila lumayo o napalayo. Subukan nating ilagay ang sarili natin sa salawal nila at unawain na may context kung bakit sila nagkaganun. Instead na hanapan natin sila, sarili natin ang hanapan natin. Kasi kahit hanapan natin sila wala naman tayong magagawa kasi sarili nila yun 😅 pero tayo, may magagawa sa sarili natin. We can start the change sa sarili natin. 


2. HUWAG PERSONALIN 


Minsan hindi naman talaga ikaw ang dahilan. Baka naman may crisis lang sya sa sarili nya. O kaya meron syang matinding setback sa career. Your spouse may be going through a phase that requires some alone time. Anuman ang dahilan nya, ma-realize nawa natin na mas mainam kung mahinahon at kalmado natin siyang susuyuin kaysa pagalit tayong magdedemand. Kapag ready na syang mag-share ng feelings niya, make sure to listen sensibly. Hindi lalabas sa protective shell ang asawa natin kapag na-sense nila ang pagiging selfish and inconsiderate natin. 


3. GIVE HIM/HER SPACE KUNG TALAGANG KAILANGAN NIYA 


Kahit hindi naman siya astronaut, sige na rin. Bigay mo na space na gusto nya. Kung ikaw yung tipo ng asawa na laging naka-comment, naka-puna at naka-tutok bente kwatro oras, pwes, back off MUNA. Wag mo na muna gayahin si Mike Enriquez at tantanan mo nalang muna sya. Minsan mas nakakarindi din talaga kapag ganun e. Kaya para hindi nila maramdaman na parang nasasakal na sila, make an effort to stay out of their zone and simply let them be. Respect. 


May mga tao kasing the more na sinusuyo mo, the more na lumalayo. Mag-oopen din yan. For now, support mo nalang muna sya sa pagiging astronaut nya 😅


4. RESPECT DIFFERENCES 


Magkaiba kayo ng gender. 

Magkaiba kayo ng upbringing. 

Magkaiba kayo ng kinalakihan na culture. 

Magkaiba kayo ng niyakap na mga values. 


Irespeto nyo nalang ang pagkakaiba nyo sa isa’t-isa. Debating opinions will only push them further away and you don’t want them to feel attacked. So instead celebrate your differences and accept that their opinions are what make them who they are.


5. REDUCE YOUR INTENSITY 


Be calm and be patient with your spouse. If you are usually a loud, fast-paced person, with a habit of giving unwanted advice all the time, then you need to slow down. Preno-preno din tayo. Lalo lang silang magiging cold kapag hindi tayo kumalma. 


5. MANAHIMIK AT MAGING MABAIT “PARIN” 


Hindi porket cold sya at distant e magiging ganun ka din sa kanya. Promise, kapag ganun ginawa mo baka mauwi kayo sa hiwalayan. You shouldn’t aggressively chase your partner, but you can act kindly and do little things to make them feel loved and valued. Pagsilbihan mo parin, kamustahin once in a while, mag-goodnight kiss ka parin, labhan mo parin ang brief nya 🤣 Sa madaling salita, maging mabuti ka parin sa kanya (kahit ang hirap hirap). 


So if your spouse is acting distant, you could reach out to him/her by praising him/her (make sure hindi parang nambobola) every chance you get and avoid criticizing him/her for now. Just be considerate sa feelings nya and go the extra mile para mapangiti sya. These small gestures of warmth will go a long way to renewing your love and bond with one another.


Tandaan, kindness is the most important quality a person can have when it comes to maintaining a loving, healthy and thriving marriage. 


6. DATE AT HINDI DIAGNOSIS 


Kung gusto mong mag-reconnect, try suggesting an activity na pwede nyong gawing dalawa. Plan a few dates and put each other in your schedules. The idea behind this is that you both make your relationship a priority and spend quality time together.


Kahit gaano ka ka-frustrated sa inaasal at kinikilos nya, always remember that your partner will always respond better to positivity than negativity and diagnosing your partner’s behavior is going to make things worse— lalo na kung di naman doctor 😅. 


7. PURSUE YOUR GOALS 


Isipin mo yung mga hobbies or projects na gusto mong simulan. Ito na ang pagkakataon para gawin yun. Sa halip na magmukmok tayo at magpaka-bitter, magpakahusay tayo. Set personal goals for yourself and achieve them. Yung mga balik-alindog program, online workshop at kung ano-ano pang goals, go get it! This is the best solution for being overly focused on your spouse. Pwede ka ding mag-open sa right people about your feelings para naman hindi maipon ang mga hinanakit mo. 


8. LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY 


Choose LOVE. Regardless. Hindi yung...


“mahal kita kung..”

“mahal kita kapag..”


Wag na tayo maglagay ng kondisyon.

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